About Me

Mother of three boys, excited and scared with how fast they are growing. Grappling with the question if I have and I am raising them well.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

I've lost that lovin' feeling

A twister hits!

I don't know what to grieve for first: my only brother's death, my uncle's death, or the death of my marriage. All happened in quick succession.

I don't think I have cried properly. Certainly the tears have rolled down, and I have wiped them as fast  as they have rolled down. And there I would go, get on with what needs to be done.

Don't also know really what is worst: to lose a loved one from death, or to lose a loved one for reasons unknown. Yes, reasons unknown. I never asked my husband for his reasons, I saw no point in it.

You could say that I'm avoiding to hear it, and that is true. But if there's such a thing as being more closer to truth it would be that I have no energy to fight. I am runing on empty.

Years of abuse.

When have I stopped loving you?

I have no idea. I am mourning the marriage. But not mourning losing you.

The flipside of love is loss and grief.


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